Reflections on My Father's Legacy

Our pastor at church posed this question to his flock through his Facebook feed this week, as he was working on his Father's Day Sunday sermon, and gleaning ideas. His question:

"Sermon help... What is something you have been surprised to hear your Father say?"

His post got me to thinking. As usual, my thoughts ended up being too long to post in his Comments section. Then I decided my thoughts were actually a great blog post idea. I didn't get to grow up with my Dad around, but had to get to know him (very) gradually throughout my lifetime. I love my Dad, and care about him, but by his choice mostly, we remain apart. So here goes:

My Dad is a Vietnam vet. Due to the 3 Navy tours in Nam, the shunning he rec'd from his own family for going; a few failed marriages (to be fair, my mom was an equal factor in that one, as were her family and their own baggage); the premature death of one of his daughters ,and the final split of a splintering family following her death; a healthy dose of what I suspect is low self esteem on his part; and a desire to be a lone wolf after all of that, I haven't heard much at all from him. I did have the opportunity to live with him and my stepmom my last year of high school, but eventually, they too divorced, and I moved out on my own not long after that. He has kept in touch here and there about every 10 years or so.

I have heard his regrets about how he should have been a better father. I have heard him refuse to take calls while in a heart hospital, after my stepsister and I tried to reach out to him. I have heard him say he is sorry for not keeping in touch better, but that he always knows how I am and where I am (he was a private investigator, militarily and in civvy life, once). I've been in the same place 15 years, he has moved and avoided contacts like most people change their socks. (But I'm as good of a P.I. as he, and I always know where to find him.)

I have heard him tell me he just can't come to Illinois to visit us and his grandkids, because there are too many trees and it's too humid, and it reminds him of Nam. Maybe that is the most surprising thing I have ever heard him say. I never thought of it like that, even though he and I both hail from arid California. I think at this point in our lives, the one thing that would really surprise me coming from him would be, "I'm coming out to visit you". Not holding my breath for it, for I totally understand where the man is coming from with his life experiences (though some have been self-inflicted, in my opinion.)

PMore surprising than anything he has ever said to me is what he has told me by his actions: "Don't be like me. Don't let Life get you down. Don't take all those people and situations so seriously. Fall down, get back up. Persevere. But never ever give up. Keep going. Keep living life, not letting Life live you. Don't come to the end of your years with regrets."

That is the message he has given me loud and clear. That, and , in spite of the messiness of our lives, he is proud of me and who I am, and loves me to the core.

Thanks, Dad. You didn't fail as a father. God just used you in a different way than He does a lot of other dads. And because He is the best Father of all, it works.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. Love you.